Just how did The Blue Ox Jerky Company get its name?
Paul Bunyan the famous lumberjack, was also Paul Bunyan the notorious attention seeker. It's for this reason that the legends don't mention that Paul had a brother, a man named Saul. But it was Saul and his exploits with the Jürke brothers - Swedish spice traders and friends of Saul - that brought about the best and most manly snack of all.
You see, one day, Saul and the Jürke brothers were enjoying one of their favorite pastimes - barehanded bear wrestling. This particular day, they decided to place a large wager on the action. And that's where our story begins. The brothers managed to pin the biggest bear with an unfinished piece of furniture, and Saul found himself with a debt he couldn't pay.
Determined to make good as quickly as possible, Saul devised a plan - he would sell that big, blue ox his brother seemed to be so fond of. So he lured it into his barn that night, knowing any number of passing traders would jump at the chance to own the great beast.
But that night, something happened. A fire broke out in Saul's barn, and in a panic he extinguished the fire with the only thing he could find - buckets of sweet, sweet teriyaki sauce. By morning, his barn was a smoking, smoldering wreck. All seemed lost.
But just then, a most peculiar scent hit his nostrils. It was smoky, yet somewhat sweet. Intrigued, he entered the barn to find that the big, blue ox had been smoked into a mountain of glorious meat.
Knowing that what he held in his hands could be the most important food discovery mankind had ever seen, he approached the Jürke brothers with a business proposition - they would supply him with all the herbs and spices he could ever need, and in return he would give them a cut of his profits. They accepted, asking only that this new snack be named after them. And thus jerky was born.
Saul traveled for the next 18 months, setting fire to barns all across the country, using a different combination of sauces, spices and meats each time. One time, someone even suggested something called "tofu." That person's whereabouts are unknown.
Here at Blue Ox, we've worked tirelessly to preserve the tradition Saul created. We no longer set fire to barns, but you wouldn't know it by tasting our jerky. What you've got here is the freshest, smokiest, add-three-inches-to-your-beard jerky on the planet. Dig in, men.
This story uses non-fiction words in a fictitious manner.