Store-Bought Costumes


That’s not a costume… that’s a t-shirt and a mask.

Fall is here. Leaves are changing, people are complaining about the weather and Halloween is approaching. So, the season’s most popular question can be heard being muttered, from youngsters to adults (who are desperate for any reason to have a few beers) – “What are you going to be for Halloween?”

First of all, if you’re 8-years-old or younger – we’re not talking to you. You’re a child. You can do whatever you want. Enjoy that plastic mask that was made by a child just like you halfway around the world. Enjoy your pillowcase filled with candy… And stop reading this blog… it’s PG-14!

As for the rest of you, if you are still buying your Halloween costume from Walgreens moments before showing up to the big party – shame on you! You are the creativity-lacking, boring person standing by the spiked cider in shame. Go to the bathroom, wrap yourself in toilet paper and bury yourself alive. You blew it.

Halloween is a special holiday. It’s a time when your best pick-up line could be simply dressing like a psychopath… a real one, with bloody clothes. It doesn’t get much easier than this people. Pick something fun, scary, timely (NO MILEY CYRUS) or obscure and go all out.

Don’t know where to start? Here are some tips for creating a great Halloween costume for any gathering.

1) Cardboard (and paint)

You can make anything out of cardboard. If you have paint too – consider yourself done shopping for costume supplies. You can easily transform yourself into an accurate portrayal of Buzz Lightyear. Hell… you could probably make a great Etch-a-Sketch costume too.


2) Put Blood on It (Zombify)

You could go as Ronald McDonald this Halloween… but wouldn’t it be better if you went as ZOMBIE Ronald McDonald. Yes, of course it would. Whatever terrible pop culture figure you are looking to dress as, just make it the undead version. In fact, a zombie Miley Cyrus might even be acceptable. Just make sure to use the blood liberally, and make sure you use the makeup that comes off easy. Don’t make your coworkers uneasy come Monday.


3) Optical Illusions

Now, if you are attending a gathering in close-quarters… this may not be the option for you. If you are going to a giant rager in the middle of the woods, a warehouse or a massive nightclub – go for it. By using certain techniques, costume makers can appear to be headless, more than one person or just straight up creepy. Look online for examples – then give it a whirl.

Don’t be the bummer wearing that novelty costume from K-Mart… make one for $45 cheaper. All those horrible old outfits from high school will work perfectly!

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